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I am a failure

I am a failure. For the past 4 years I can’t recognize a single good thing that has lasted for me, but I’m starting to think that it’s okay (or it will be, soon hopefully). Recently, I failed maths GCSE for a second time (yes, I tried really fucking hard), I am no longer sure what I want to be when I grow up and no more than 2 hours ago my boyfriend broke up with me, but I guess that’s okay too. I’m a pretty big failure. My parents though, aren’t disappointed but actually very supportive, so possibly that’ll be the one good thing that WILL last. I’m a failure, and maybe you are too. Currently I’m sat on a good friends bed while American Dad is on and I’m feeling calm for someone who just went through a brutal and dramatic break-up.

We went to the beach before coming home and had the worst heart to heart ever and I bloody ADORED that; it’s what brought me back down the world again. Anyway, the entire point of this post isn’t to depress you in what has happened to me recently but to highlight the fact that shit happens to everyone, big shit or small shit – EVERYTHING happens, a lot to good people – or to people that try. I’m one of those people that try, but probably could try harder, here are a few things in my mind that keep sane:

THINGS TO ENJOY: Being caught in the rain, books, celebrities being drunk and stupid, normal people being drunk and stupid, ALL dogs (especially their ears), finishing work, starting work, cups of tea, hugs, crying at Facebook videos, late night messages, early morning messages, coming home to smell food, your parents (or anyone that can look after you, really), dates, Netflix days, the smell of a bookshop, the internet, friends you’ve met, friends you’ll never meet, cigarettes, buying unnecessary stuff because it’s pay day, being alive, being a person.

THINGS TO REMEMBER: Crying is okay, not wanting to leave the house sometimes is okay, being needy is okay, wanting a hug or just company is also okay, smile more than you frown, hug your friends, have early nights, work hard, be kind to dogs, watch cartoons, pay attention to the world, write your feelings, express yourself, be human.

I am a person, I may fail things sometimes and you might too, but there is a rise from the fall (as a good friend of mine said earlier) and things will be happy in the end, ‘and if it’s not, you’re not at the end just yet’.

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